LifeSiteNews.com
Abortion Kills Your Sex Life Says UK Doctor in Times Column
By Hilary White

In the May 2 instalment of his regular health feature in The Times, Dr. Thomas Stuttaford responded to a reader who complained of a loss of interest in sex following an abortion. "Though my boyfriend and I agreed it was the right thing to do, I feel guilty and I've gone off sex," wrote the questioner. Dr. Stuttaford responded by saying that loss of libido after an abortion is "so common that it can almost be said to be expected".

Asked if the feelings would pass, Stuttaford wrote, "It is possible, but by no means inevitable, that the changes this will have wrought in the way you feel about a future together may have irretrievably undermined your relationship."

Indeed, Dr. Stuttaford observed that in "years of experience with patients" has "reinforced the teaching I received in my early medical life that even the most ardent affair may not survive an abortion, although both partners often remain good friends. Frequently, there has been too much emotion around, even if there have been no spoken recriminations. The shadow of the decision to have the termination, and any doubts one or other may have had about this deep down in their psyche, means that sooner or later they will be tempted to start again with, as if it were, a clean slate."

Stuttaford referred to a study, authored "about 15 years ago," that he said showed that although "nearly all" women suffer feelings of guilt and grief following abortion, the effects usually passed within a month.

"My own opinion," he writes, "is that the American research workers were unduly sanguine in expecting women to jettison guilt and overcome their feelings of loss - the grief response - within just a month."

Statistical research by the Elliot Institute shows that, in many cases, the emotional effects of abortion are still discernable eight weeks after an abortion. In one study, two months after their abortions, 44 percent of women complained of nervous disorders, 36 percent had experienced sleep disturbances, 31 percent had regrets about their decision and 11 percent had been prescribed psychotropic medicine by their family doctor.

But Dr. Stuttaford quickly assures his questioner that "neither of you should assume blame or feel guilty."

The Loch Sex Monster
By Krysta Fitzpatrick
Muse

Before I had ever actually had sex – or even a serious relationship for that matter – movies like Dirty Dancing, Last Tango in Paris, and Cruel Intentions had imprinted in my head this distorted image of what sex, desire, and love were.

Love was passionate, fiery, intense, and brooding. Sex was powerful, wild, epic, and spur of moment hot hot hot! Or at least that’s what movies made me think they were – then I actually had sex.

Thanks in particular to Dirty Dancing, I thought losing your virginity meant a hot summer night, dancing seductively under a dimmed light to Otis Redding. Then the person you desire passionately lays you down and blows your mind for hours on end –without any worry of pain or pregnancy. Note how in films you very rarely stop to see anyone put on a condom.

Instead, it’s more like five minutes of foreplay in your friend’s parents’ (who happen to be out of town) bed, that leads to two minutes of excruciating pain – socks still on, friends downstairs getting drunk while watching Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas, and the only music being the faint sound of someone in the living room attempting to drunkenly play a Dave Matthews Band song on guitar. Not exactly what I was expecting.

After actually having sex and being in serious relationships I finally realized that, since I was a little kid, movies had been building romance up to be something that it wasn’t at all.

Men: She’s not always ready to go. Ladies: Maybe he’s just feeling fat.

It’s no secret that many couples have mixed signals on exactly what their partner wants in the bedroom. To help sort out these “misunderstandings,” Ian Kerner, author of several books including “She Comes First,” and iVillage sex expert Tracey Cox addressed the most common mistakes both women and men make.

The sex mistakes women most often make:

1. Women don’t understand why men don’t like to cuddle.

Ian: After sex, men return to the pre-aroused state, women return to a semi-aroused state. For guys it’s a total system shutdown. We just want to crash, whereas women want to connect, cuddle, converse, even have more sex. Women shouldn’t assume that a guy is insensitive if he’s more inclined to snore than snuggle. He’s probably just shattered. Think of it as a compliment to the sex you just had.

Tracey: I disagree with this. I think men do like to cuddle! They’re just worried their partner might see it as weak and them as vulnerable. I think a lot of the time a man suggests sex, what they’re really after is the physical closeness a cuddle would provide

2. Women don’t understand the extent to which performance anxieties, self-esteem issues and body-image issues all affect male sex drive.

Ian: Absolutely. Guys have many of the same issues as women when it comes to sex: feeling out of shape, unattractive, not wanting to be seen naked during sex. I worked with one guy who always had to rush to put on his boxers after sex and could never cuddle naked. His wife didn’t know what was going on. Turned out he felt very “smallish” after sex.

Also, when guys are stressed out about work/financial issues, it often leads to a shutdown of desire. In both men and women, low self-esteem equals low desire.

Tracey: Men aren’t robots. They’re humans and worry about the same stuff females do. Also there’s pressure on men to provide good sex to women. They expect a lot from men in bed these days, and often expect men to be mind readers, rather than tell them what they want. I’m not surprised men get anxious and their libido dips.

3. Women think that men are always ready and willing to have sex any time, any place.

Ian: No way. As relationships progress over time, women can’t assume that guys are Pavlovian dogs that want to have sex every time you ring the bell. The mental turn-on becomes more crucial than the physical turn-on, and sexual desire begins in the brain, not the groin.

Tracey: They do! And they get all upset if he doesn’t get an instant erection just by looking at her! It’s true that young men probably are ready, willing and able at any point, but once a guy moves into his 20s, the pressure mounts in other areas of his life, like career, and he’s as capable of getting distracted by life’s problems as she is!

4. Women don’t understand how men can differentiate so easily between love and sex.

Ian: One of the reasons is that during sex, women produce lots of oxytocin, a hormone that stimulates a strong emotional connection. As a result, women are more emotionally integrated when it comes to sex. That’s why casual sex and hookups often backfire for lots of women. Guys produce little to no oxytocin, and can easily have sex without any sense of emotional connection. It’s sex with no emotional strings attached.

The sex mistakes men make most often

By Forbes.com
Recipe for better sex: What to eat to add spice
10 things to add to your diet and enhance your love life

Need to spice up your sex life? All the ingredients you need may be found at your local grocery store.

Like many aspects of health, our sex drive is affected by what we put into our bodies. Certain foods affect the body in different ways. Depending on what you consume, wining and dining a date can induce more sleep than romance. A big, fancy dinner, a bottle of wine and fine chocolates may sound sweet — but such meals are actually little more than empty calories.

To really get your blood going, consider circulation-enhancing dishes. Food that's high in Omega-3 fatty acids such as mackerel, salmon and wild salmon are best. "Omega-3 makes your nervous system function better," says Dr. Barbara Bartlik, assistant professor of psychiatry and sex therapist with the Human Sexuality Program at Weill Cornell Medical Center. "Sex is really about circuitry." Multivitamins and minerals will help, too. Both improve neurological function, which contributes to good circulation.

Grab some granola

Improved circulation results in greater erectile response. To accomplish that, go for food rich in L-Arginine, such as granola, oatmeal, peanuts, cashews, walnuts, dairy, green vegetables, root vegetables, garlic, ginseng, soybeans, chickpeas and seeds. Studies show that L-Arginine is helpful for improving sexual function in men. There haven't been studies done on women — but remember, erectile response isn't just a guy thing. "Women have erections too: in their clitoris and the tissue surrounding the vulva," says Bartlik.