Convert the Crush

Traditional and Alternative medicine.

Wednesday, September 20. 2006

Stop being anonymous. Here's how to woo five women you've always wanted to meet

By: Steve Calechman

The Spandex Queen
She looks good in shorts, but bolts when the treadmill stops.

Do: Start slowly. Keep early conversation in the moment--the guy in the ridiculous shorts, the awful song playing, the monotony of ab work, says Teresa Strasser, a relationship expert and cohost of How to Get the Guy. Next: Ask for her opinion--about a gym class, a restaurant, a movie. She'll appreciate it without feeling threatened. Then ask about mundane stuff--the stuff that no one else asks her about. "Don't attack me from the beginning," says Amy, a 34-year-old program director who met a guy over a few weeks in yoga class. "It felt like he was getting to know me."

Don't: Correct her form as an excuse to talk. Insecurity runs high at the gym.

"The message is 'You don't know what you're doing,'" Strasser says. And stay away when she's sweating. She's exerting; intrusions are annoying.

Also Goes For: Fellow train commuters, running-club members, adult-ed classmates
The Office Siren

You see her every day. And if something goes wrong, you still will.

Do: Spread the love. Sharing credit for job tasks shows confidence, says Lisa Daily, a dating coach and the author of Stop Getting Dumped! A group is going out for drinks? Invite her. She won't let the fact that you work together stop her. "If a woman likes a guy, it might be awkward, but she'll still be excited about it," says Alison, a 32-year-old finance director.

Don't: Enlist an office matchmaker. Gossip kills romance, and she wants to be taken seriously. For privacy, use e-mail, but keep the flirtation IT-friendly. If she balks, back off quickly. This isn't the place for heavy pursuit.

Also Goes For: Physical therapists, business clients

The Hot Waitress

She's attentive and friendly, but is she just working for her tips?

Do: Stand out. Come in regularly, sit in her section, and be polite to everyone. In a business where she gets the brunt of bad behavior, "manners are an aphrodisiac," Strasser says. Refer to things she tells you--her favorite dish, the test she's studying for--in future conversations. Listening is your move.

Don't: Overtip. She'll feel objectified; stick with 20 percent.

Also Goes For: Flight attendants, bartenders, hairstylists
The Barista

She's neck-deep in lattes; you can't get a word in edgewise.

Do: Empathize. Show up after the morning rush, when she's less frazzled, and ask if it's a tough day. You're into her, not just her iced mocha, says Debbie Magids, Ph.D., author of All the Good Ones Aren't Taken. Build slowly. Then tell her those 5 minutes make a big difference in your day. And tell her you look forward to your daily chats with her. "If a guy would do that, it would register," says Alka, a 19-year-old college student who works behind a cafГ© bar.

Don't: Call her by name at first, even if she's wearing a tag. It's intrusive and highlights the subservience, Strasser says. And don't talk her up when she's busy or with others.Respect her boundaries and the rhythms of her job.

Also Goes For: Bookstore clerks, doctors' receptionists, hotel clerks

The Woman With The Leash

She looks happy, until your dog starts humping her leg.

Do: If she appears passionate about her pooch, show interest: Ask about the breed, its habits, and where she regularly walks. When you're confident, suggest meeting up. She could be looking for playmates.

Don't: Ignore your own pup. She'll watch how you treat it. And don't force your pit bull on her poodle.

"If our dogs can't coexist, we can't," says Elyse, a 40-year-old teacher and whippet owner.

Also Goes For: Neighborhood gardeners, nannies

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